SMILE MUNA…..HE.he..he..hi..hi..hi…hu..hu…
THE PINOY and THE AMERICAN
A Pinoy is having his "SNACK" (bread and ube jam), when an American man
chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Pinoy ignores the
American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Filipino folks eat the whole bread??"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don’t. In the States, we
only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into croissants and export them to the
Philippines"
The American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
The American persists: "D’ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Pinoy : "Of Course."
American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We
don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put
all
the peels, seeds, and left overs in containers, recycle them,
transform
them into jam and export them to the Philippines."
The Pinoy (kind of pissed of) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why? Of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Pinoy : And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "In the Philippines, we don’t throw them. We put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export
them to the States.
(he he he..pesteng kano ka.. ano akala mo ha?@@@#$%^&)
Ngongo at Wayter
Me umupo na ngongo, At shempre nagugutom na siya at tinawag yung waiter…
NGO-NGO : wey-er!wey-er!! (weyter po ibig sabihin non)
WAYTER : yet er!! (ngo-ngo rin) anu u-er niyo er!
NGO-NGO : igyan hu aku ng ayd chiken at playdlayts! at updrink (Fried chicken at fried-rice at softdrinks daw)
WAYTER : yet er ray ewey er! (Yes sir right away sir daw!)
At ilang sandali me umopo sa katabing mesa ng ngongo at sumigaw….
CUSTOMER 1 : Waiter! Waiter!
WAYTER : Yes ser! Good Morning sir! What is your order sir! (Hindi naging Ngongo!)
CUSTOMER 1 : Bigyan mo ako ng Steak 1 rice at ice tea… yun lang.
WAYTER : Yes Ser Right away sir!
Narinig pala ng ngo ngo na hindi pala ngongo yung waiter at naisip na niloloko lang pala siya ng wayter kaya galit na galit na tinawag niya ang wayter at binulungan at sinabing..
NGO-NGO : ayu ka ah yo-yo-o mo to ah! ine ka ngo-ngo sa biyang mesa!! (TADO KA AH LOLOKO MO ATA AKO HINDE KA NAMAN NGONGO SA KABILANG MESA AH!)
At binulungan naman ng wayter ang ngo ngo at sinabing..
WAYTER: er! wa kang inay…sya ni-yo-yo-ko ko ngongo tayata ako! (SER HUWAG KAYONG MAINGAY SIYA NILOLOKO KO, NGO NGO TALAGA AKO!)
Irish Gas Attendant
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new BMW into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o’ the morning to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things my, son?" asks the attendant.
"They’re called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an’ Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas working for BMW think of everything!"
Truck Driver and Blonde
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?"
"Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry."
"No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
ERAP papunta sa Pearly Gates (Langit)
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Erap. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Erap. looks bewildered and says, "Sino ba ang mga tanga, mga tarantadong tinamaan ng lintek na mga bobong yon ??”
Saint Peter sighs and says, "OK ka talaga, Pare Erap." Walang kaduda duda…ikaw nga si Pareng Erap…. Pero sad to say na…. DOON KA SA KABILA…..kasama ng mga ALIPORES MO!!“
PAUTANG MUNA…!!
Maria : Mare, pautang muna ng 5 kilong bigas at 3 sardinas at 1000 pesos . Bayaran ko agad pagdating ni Pare mo galing Saudi. Dodoblehen ko pa ang mga sardinas….mga imported at $$$$ pati ang ibabayad ko sa iyo.
Kurdapya: Aba.. Okey yan ah.. makakatikim din kami ng mga imported na sardinas dagdagan mo ng carne norte… Tapos, makakahawak din kami ng dolyares.
Sige, heto na mga hinihiram mo. Teka nga pala …kailan ba ang uwi ni Pare?
Maria : Hindi pa sure kasi … Nag-a-apply pa lang eh…
Whaaaaaaaaa…. hu…hu..hu….he.he..he..
LET’S TALK ABOUT BOOBS…
Walang boobs: Walandyo
Maliit ang boobs: Medyo
Malaki ang boobs: Mountaindyo
Super-laking boobs: Bazzokadyo
Lawlaw na boobs: Overdyo
Bading na may boobs: Remedyo
DISABILITY
May isang Senior Citizen na nagpunta sa SSS para umapply ng mga benefits. Sabi nya sa isang magandang babae sa counter ng SSS na nakalimutan nyang magdala ng ID para patunayan na siya ay 60 years old na nga.
Sabi ni seksi..di po bale Manong..pakibukas nalang ang polo nyo dahil gusto ko makita ang balahibo nyo sa dibdib. Nakita ng seksi na puro puti(uban) na din ang mga balahibo sa dibdib kaya sabi nya kay Manong… OK po..i-process ko na ang claim ninyo.
Pagdating sa bahay ikinuento ni Manong kay Mrs.ang nangyari….
Sabi ni Mrs… sana pati pantalon mo ibinaba mo na din.
Bakit naman..tanong ni Manong?
Malay mo baka sakali naka claim ka din ng DISABILITY… sayang din yon noh?
WE’RE TALKING SMALL
What are three two-letter words that mean small?
"Is it in?"
WRONG WAY
Isang Senior Citizen ang nag-d-drive ng kotse sa North Expressway ng biglang tumawag ang Mrs. nya sa cell..
Darling..magingat ka sa pag-drive mo dyan… Narinig ko sa radyo na may isang kotse na nasa wrong way daw dyan.
Naku..Sweetheart..hindi lang iisa…ANG DAMI DAMI NGA eh…nakakasalubong ko sila at ilaw na ng ilaw..busina pa ng busina…senyas ng senyas sa akin…
(Hhmmm..teka…magulo yata…sino nga ba ang nasa wrong way????? )
Mexican Delicacy
Mexican Delicacy/10 Inch Dick (Tunay na Jokes)
Mexican Delicacy..
Isang turistang Pinoy ang napadpad isang umaga sa isang sikat na restaurant sa Mexico.
Nakita nya i-se-serve ng waiter ang isang putahe na sobra ang bango..nakakalaway tingnan…dalawang bilog sa gitna ng isang bendehado na puno ng decoration..
Tinawag ni Pinoy ang waiter at tinanong… bigyan mo din ako ng ganoon. Gusto kong matikaman.
Senior wika ng waiter..isang order lang po maghapon yon kada umaga lang. Yon po Senior na tinatawag na "cojones" at ang ibig sabihin ay yong itlog ng toro na ginamit sa bull fight kaninang umaga. Kung gusto ninyo..umorder na kayo ngayon at bukas ng maaga nyo makakakain ang order nyo na mangagaling sa bullfight bukas ng umaga.
Si..si…si.. sabi ng excited na Pinoy(alam nman ninyo ang Pinoy).
Kinaumagahan, bumalik si Pinoy sa nasabing restaurant para kainin ang inorder niyang "cojones". Syempre pa, sarap na sarap siya. Pero may napansin siya pagkatapos niyang kumain kaya tinawag ang waiter..
Waiter…Si Senior sabi ni waiter. Talagang sobra kasarap yong ’cojones" na i-si-nerve mo sa akin. Pero, bakit sobra yatang liit kesa doon sa nakita ko kahapon…
Si..Si…Si.. Senior…tama kayo…dahil KUNG MINSAN E..NANALO DIN YONG TORO…
(Halaaaa…patay ka Pinoy ka..ibang "cojones" ang nakain mo lintek ka…)
TISAY NA SEKSI
Isang seksing Tisay ang napansin ng isang Pogi sa isang club.
Tinawag nya ang waiter…at sinabi..bigyan mo yong seksi na yon nang pinakamahal ninyong WINE..tapos ibigay mo itong sulat ko sa kanya…
Sumulat din si seksi at ganito ang sinabi…KAPAG MAY ISANG MILYON KA SA BANGKO, MAY CHEDENG KA, MAY BMW KA at may 7 inches kang ari…MAANGKIN MO ANG KAGANDAHAN KO..
Sumagot si Pogi sa sulat din… Actually may 1 Bilyon ako sa bangko, 5 ang chedeng ko. 5 din ang BMW pwera Porche,Pajero, at iba pa pero hindi ako mag PAPA-OPERA para lang PUTULAN ng 3 inches ang ari ko.. Manigas ka..Huag nalang… Pakibalik ang "WINE" Please..
He..he..he…Sayang Tisay..kuarta na naging bato pa…kw kasi..bakit 7 inches lang ang kaya mo eh…
BE STRONG HONEY!!!! ( Tinagalog..Lakasan mo ang Loob mo)
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Applying for a Job at the CIA
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you’re definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
Sari Sari
Away..
Mister : Walang utang na loob na asawa.. kung hindi sa pera ko wala ka sana sa malapalasyong bahay kong ito.
What do you think ?
October 21, 2007
Jokes….. Jokes…Replay…
SMILE MUNA…..HE.he..he..hi..hi..hi…hu..hu…
THE PINOY and THE AMERICAN
A Pinoy is having his "SNACK" (bread and ube jam), when an American man
chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Pinoy ignores the
American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Filipino folks eat the whole bread??"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don’t. In the States, we
only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into croissants and export them to the
Philippines"
The American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
The American persists: "D’ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Pinoy : "Of Course."
American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We
don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put
all
the peels, seeds, and left overs in containers, recycle them,
transform
them into jam and export them to the Philippines."
The Pinoy (kind of pissed of) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why? Of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Pinoy : And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "In the Philippines, we don’t throw them. We put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export
them to the States.
(he he he..pesteng kano ka.. ano akala mo ha?@@@#$%^&)
Ngongo at Wayter
Me umupo na ngongo, At shempre nagugutom na siya at tinawag yung waiter…
NGO-NGO : wey-er!wey-er!! (weyter po ibig sabihin non)
WAYTER : yet er!! (ngo-ngo rin) anu u-er niyo er!
NGO-NGO : igyan hu aku ng ayd chiken at playdlayts! at updrink (Fried chicken at fried-rice at softdrinks daw)
WAYTER : yet er ray ewey er! (Yes sir right away sir daw!)
At ilang sandali me umopo sa katabing mesa ng ngongo at sumigaw….
CUSTOMER 1 : Waiter! Waiter!
WAYTER : Yes ser! Good Morning sir! What is your order sir! (Hindi naging Ngongo!)
CUSTOMER 1 : Bigyan mo ako ng Steak 1 rice at ice tea… yun lang.
WAYTER : Yes Ser Right away sir!
Narinig pala ng ngo ngo na hindi pala ngongo yung waiter at naisip na niloloko lang pala siya ng wayter kaya galit na galit na tinawag niya ang wayter at binulungan at sinabing..
NGO-NGO : ayu ka ah yo-yo-o mo to ah! ine ka ngo-ngo sa biyang mesa!! (TADO KA AH LOLOKO MO ATA AKO HINDE KA NAMAN NGONGO SA KABILANG MESA AH!)
At binulungan naman ng wayter ang ngo ngo at sinabing..
WAYTER: er! wa kang inay…sya ni-yo-yo-ko ko ngongo tayata ako! (SER HUWAG KAYONG MAINGAY SIYA NILOLOKO KO, NGO NGO TALAGA AKO!)
Irish Gas Attendant
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new BMW into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o’ the morning to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things my, son?" asks the attendant.
"They’re called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an’ Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas working for BMW think of everything!"
Truck Driver and Blonde
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?"
"Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry."
"No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
ERAP papunta sa Pearly Gates (Langit)
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Erap. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Erap. looks bewildered and says, "Sino ba ang mga tanga, mga tarantadong tinamaan ng lintek na mga bobong yon ??”
Saint Peter sighs and says, "OK ka talaga, Pare Erap." Walang kaduda duda…ikaw nga si Pareng Erap…. Pero sad to say na…. DOON KA SA KABILA…..kasama ng mga ALIPORES MO!!“
PAUTANG MUNA…!!
Maria : Mare, pautang muna ng 5 kilong bigas at 3 sardinas at 1000 pesos . Bayaran ko agad pagdating ni Pare mo galing Saudi. Dodoblehen ko pa ang mga sardinas….mga imported at $$$$ pati ang ibabayad ko sa iyo.
Kurdapya: Aba.. Okey yan ah.. makakatikim din kami ng mga imported na sardinas dagdagan mo ng carne norte… Tapos, makakahawak din kami ng dolyares.
Sige, heto na mga hinihiram mo. Teka nga pala …kailan ba ang uwi ni Pare?
Maria : Hindi pa sure kasi … Nag-a-apply pa lang eh…
Whaaaaaaaaa…. hu…hu..hu….he.he..he..
LET’S TALK ABOUT BOOBS…
Walang boobs: Walandyo
Maliit ang boobs: Medyo
Malaki ang boobs: Mountaindyo
Super-laking boobs: Bazzokadyo
Lawlaw na boobs: Overdyo
Bading na may boobs: Remedyo
DISABILITY
May isang Senior Citizen na nagpunta sa SSS para umapply ng mga benefits. Sabi nya sa isang magandang babae sa counter ng SSS na nakalimutan nyang magdala ng ID para patunayan na siya ay 60 years old na nga.
Sabi ni seksi..di po bale Manong..pakibukas nalang ang polo nyo dahil gusto ko makita ang balahibo nyo sa dibdib. Nakita ng seksi na puro puti(uban) na din ang mga balahibo sa dibdib kaya sabi nya kay Manong… OK po..i-process ko na ang claim ninyo.
Pagdating sa bahay ikinuento ni Manong kay Mrs.ang nangyari….
Sabi ni Mrs… sana pati pantalon mo ibinaba mo na din.
Bakit naman..tanong ni Manong?
Malay mo baka sakali naka claim ka din ng DISABILITY… sayang din yon noh?
WE’RE TALKING SMALL
What are three two-letter words that mean small?
"Is it in?"
WRONG WAY
Isang Senior Citizen ang nag-d-drive ng kotse sa North Expressway ng biglang tumawag ang Mrs. nya sa cell..
Darling..magingat ka sa pag-drive mo dyan… Narinig ko sa radyo na may isang kotse na nasa wrong way daw dyan.
Naku..Sweetheart..hindi lang iisa…ANG DAMI DAMI NGA eh…nakakasalubong ko sila at ilaw na ng ilaw..busina pa ng busina…senyas ng senyas sa akin…
(Hhmmm..teka…magulo yata…sino nga ba ang nasa wrong way????? )
Mexican Delicacy
Mexican Delicacy/10 Inch Dick (Tunay na Jokes)
Mexican Delicacy..
Isang turistang Pinoy ang napadpad isang umaga sa isang sikat na restaurant sa Mexico.
Nakita nya i-se-serve ng waiter ang isang putahe na sobra ang bango..nakakalaway tingnan…dalawang bilog sa gitna ng isang bendehado na puno ng decoration..
Tinawag ni Pinoy ang waiter at tinanong… bigyan mo din ako ng ganoon. Gusto kong matikaman.
Senior wika ng waiter..isang order lang po maghapon yon kada umaga lang. Yon po Senior na tinatawag na "cojones" at ang ibig sabihin ay yong itlog ng toro na ginamit sa bull fight kaninang umaga. Kung gusto ninyo..umorder na kayo ngayon at bukas ng maaga nyo makakakain ang order nyo na mangagaling sa bullfight bukas ng umaga.
Si..si…si.. sabi ng excited na Pinoy(alam nman ninyo ang Pinoy).
Kinaumagahan, bumalik si Pinoy sa nasabing restaurant para kainin ang inorder niyang "cojones". Syempre pa, sarap na sarap siya. Pero may napansin siya pagkatapos niyang kumain kaya tinawag ang waiter..
Waiter…Si Senior sabi ni waiter. Talagang sobra kasarap yong ’cojones" na i-si-nerve mo sa akin. Pero, bakit sobra yatang liit kesa doon sa nakita ko kahapon…
Si..Si…Si.. Senior…tama kayo…dahil KUNG MINSAN E..NANALO DIN YONG TORO…
(Halaaaa…patay ka Pinoy ka..ibang "cojones" ang nakain mo lintek ka…)
TISAY NA SEKSI
Isang seksing Tisay ang napansin ng isang Pogi sa isang club.
Tinawag nya ang waiter…at sinabi..bigyan mo yong seksi na yon nang pinakamahal ninyong WINE..tapos ibigay mo itong sulat ko sa kanya…
Sumulat din si seksi at ganito ang sinabi…KAPAG MAY ISANG MILYON KA SA BANGKO, MAY CHEDENG KA, MAY BMW KA at may 7 inches kang ari…MAANGKIN MO ANG KAGANDAHAN KO..
Sumagot si Pogi sa sulat din… Actually may 1 Bilyon ako sa bangko, 5 ang chedeng ko. 5 din ang BMW pwera Porche,Pajero, at iba pa pero hindi ako mag PAPA-OPERA para lang PUTULAN ng 3 inches ang ari ko.. Manigas ka..Huag nalang… Pakibalik ang "WINE" Please..
He..he..he…Sayang Tisay..kuarta na naging bato pa…kw kasi..bakit 7 inches lang ang kaya mo eh…
BE STRONG HONEY!!!! ( Tinagalog..Lakasan mo ang Loob mo)
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Applying for a Job at the CIA
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you’re definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
Sari Sari
Away..
Mister : Walang utang na loob na asawa.. kung hindi sa pera ko wala ka sana sa malapalasyong bahay kong ito.
What do you think ?
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