Pautang Muna
Maria : Mare, pautang muna ng 5 kilong bigas at 3 sardinas at 1000 piso . Bayaran ko agad pagdating ni Pare mo galing Saudi. Dodoblehen ko pa ang mga sardinas….mga imported at $$$$ pati ang ibabayad ko sa iyo.
Kurdapya: Aba.. Okey yan ah.. makakatikim din kami ng mga imported na sardinas dagdagan mo ng carne norte pati… Tapos, makakahawak din kami ng dolyares.
Sige, heto na mga hinihiram mo. Teka nga munapala …kailan ba ang uwi ni Pare?
Maria : Naku hindi pa sure kasi … Nag-a-apply pa lang eh…
Whaaaaaaaaa…. hu…hu..hu….he.he..he..
LET’S TALK ABOUT BOOBS…
Walang boobs: Walandyo
Maliit ang boobs: Medyo
Malaki ang boobs: Mountaindyo
Super-laking boobs: Bazzokadyo
Lawlaw na boobs: Overdyo
Bading na may boobs: Remedyo
MAY I BORROW THE CAR?
A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date.
The dad says, ’’Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.’’
The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, ’’Dad, Jesus had long hair…’’
And the dad replies, ’’Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn’t he?’’
THOUGHT FOR LIFE:
We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but never realize that some of the best
moments in life are enjoyed without clothes
SEX
Inay: Anak, halika rito…
Dalaga: Ano po ‘yun, Inay?
Inay: Dalaga ka na… mabuting pag-usapan natin ang tungkol sa sex.
Dalaga: Sige OK po, Inay… Ano po ba ibang gusto ninyong malaman?
NAKU… ERAP…
Erap doing a citizen’s arrest on foreigner.
Erap : "Abuso ka na, anong pangalan mo?" (While writing the report)
Foreigner : "Vladimir Kromanikov Shneit Norkvanikov Manheit Slokevsky."
Erap : O SIGE, ALIS KA NA!
Ending It All
An 83-year old woman decided that she’d seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn’t certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap
(Walanghiya…grabe naman kalaylay yan..)
Sa honeymoon:
Lalake: Darling – pwede?
Babae: Meron ako eh.
L: Sa pwet?
B: May almoranas ako.
L: Sa bunganga?
B: May sore throat ako.
Naasar si lalake- sinakal si babae at sinabi: WAG MONG SABIHING MAY SIPON KA RIN!!
SEX
Applying for a job for the first time, isang seksing coed was filling up the application form.
Mabilis siyang natapos but mukhang nahirapan siyang sagutin ang isang tanong.
PERSONNEL: Do you need help in filling up the application, Miss?
MISS: Puwede ho bang "occasionally" ang ilagay na sagot.
PERSONNEL: Which question, Miss?
MISS: Sex
What do you think ?
January 25, 2009
PAUTANG MUNA…etc. Jokes
Pautang Muna
Maria : Mare, pautang muna ng 5 kilong bigas at 3 sardinas at 1000 piso . Bayaran ko agad pagdating ni Pare mo galing Saudi. Dodoblehen ko pa ang mga sardinas….mga imported at $$$$ pati ang ibabayad ko sa iyo.
Kurdapya: Aba.. Okey yan ah.. makakatikim din kami ng mga imported na sardinas dagdagan mo ng carne norte pati… Tapos, makakahawak din kami ng dolyares.
Sige, heto na mga hinihiram mo. Teka nga munapala …kailan ba ang uwi ni Pare?
Maria : Naku hindi pa sure kasi … Nag-a-apply pa lang eh…
Whaaaaaaaaa…. hu…hu..hu….he.he..he..
LET’S TALK ABOUT BOOBS…
Walang boobs: Walandyo
Maliit ang boobs: Medyo
Malaki ang boobs: Mountaindyo
Super-laking boobs: Bazzokadyo
Lawlaw na boobs: Overdyo
Bading na may boobs: Remedyo
MAY I BORROW THE CAR?
A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date.
The dad says, ’’Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.’’
The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, ’’Dad, Jesus had long hair…’’
And the dad replies, ’’Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn’t he?’’
THOUGHT FOR LIFE:
We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but never realize that some of the best
moments in life are enjoyed without clothes
SEX
Inay: Anak, halika rito…
Dalaga: Ano po ‘yun, Inay?
Inay: Dalaga ka na… mabuting pag-usapan natin ang tungkol sa sex.
Dalaga: Sige OK po, Inay… Ano po ba ibang gusto ninyong malaman?
NAKU… ERAP…
Erap doing a citizen’s arrest on foreigner.
Erap : "Abuso ka na, anong pangalan mo?" (While writing the report)
Foreigner : "Vladimir Kromanikov Shneit Norkvanikov Manheit Slokevsky."
Erap : O SIGE, ALIS KA NA!
Ending It All
An 83-year old woman decided that she’d seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn’t certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap
(Walanghiya…grabe naman kalaylay yan..)
Sa honeymoon:
Lalake: Darling – pwede?
Babae: Meron ako eh.
L: Sa pwet?
B: May almoranas ako.
L: Sa bunganga?
B: May sore throat ako.
Naasar si lalake- sinakal si babae at sinabi: WAG MONG SABIHING MAY SIPON KA RIN!!
SEX
Applying for a job for the first time, isang seksing coed was filling up the application form.
Mabilis siyang natapos but mukhang nahirapan siyang sagutin ang isang tanong.
PERSONNEL: Do you need help in filling up the application, Miss?
MISS: Puwede ho bang "occasionally" ang ilagay na sagot.
PERSONNEL: Which question, Miss?
MISS: Sex
What do you think ?
Related