Irish Gas Attendant
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new BMW into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o’ the morning to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things my, son?" asks the attendant.
"They’re called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an’ Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas working for BMW think of everything!"
Truck Driver and Blonde
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?"
"Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry."
"No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
ERAP papunta sa Pearly Gates (Langit)
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Erap. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Erap. looks bewildered and says, "Sino ba ang mga tanga, mga tarantadong tinamaan ng lintek na mga bobong yon ??”
Saint Peter sighs and says, "OK ka talaga, Pare Erap." Walang kaduda duda…ikaw nga si Pareng Erap…. Pero sad to say na…. DOON KA SA KABILA…..kasama ng mga ALIPORES MO!!“
.Subject: Mexican Delicacy
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming
around in Mexico .
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good,
the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah, Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are
called Cojones de Toro, bull’s testicles from the bull fight this
morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, Senor. There is only one serving
per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come
early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this
delicacy."
Next very early morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that
evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter
and said,
"These are fantastic and terribly very delicious which I have never tasted in my life but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes
the bull wins."
Smilee……………………
What do you think ?
June 15, 2007
Smile….Jokes Lang
Irish Gas Attendant
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new BMW into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o’ the morning to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things my, son?" asks the attendant.
"They’re called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an’ Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas working for BMW think of everything!"
Truck Driver and Blonde
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?"
"Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry."
"No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
ERAP papunta sa Pearly Gates (Langit)
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees Erap. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Erap. looks bewildered and says, "Sino ba ang mga tanga, mga tarantadong tinamaan ng lintek na mga bobong yon ??”
Saint Peter sighs and says, "OK ka talaga, Pare Erap." Walang kaduda duda…ikaw nga si Pareng Erap…. Pero sad to say na…. DOON KA SA KABILA…..kasama ng mga ALIPORES MO!!“
.Subject: Mexican Delicacy
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming
around in Mexico .
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good,
the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah, Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are
called Cojones de Toro, bull’s testicles from the bull fight this
morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, Senor. There is only one serving
per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come
early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this
delicacy."
Next very early morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that
evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter
and said,
"These are fantastic and terribly very delicious which I have never tasted in my life but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes
the bull wins."
Smilee……………………
What do you think ?
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